When I was in high school, my best friend was a girl called Lillian.
We hung out in the library, watched the kids on the playground and shared stories.
At the time, I was struggling to get by on less than $1,000 a month.
I wanted to be like her, and I wanted her to like me.
And I was so proud of her for that.
But then I found out that Lillian had been cheating on me with my best man, a dude I had dated for six years.
I found it hard to live up to the expectations of my best friends.
And it became clear that I was no longer the person I wanted my life to be.
Lillian, a former porn star, now lives with her boyfriend in a small house in Brooklyn, New York.
LILLIAN: My life has completely changed.
I’ve changed my entire perception of what life is about.
I now know that my life is not what I expected it to be, and the way I look at it is not the way my life was meant to be…
It’s not about me.
It’s about the person that I am.
It will not change until I make the choices I am supposed to make.
My life as I know it has changed.
For now, Lillian and I are happy, and have the best of times.
But there is a dark side to our relationship.
We were together for six months before he left for college, and we were together three years before he decided to move in with his girlfriend.
And now Lillian has become obsessed with his new girlfriend.
He says, “I know I shouldn’t date her, but I’ve been in love with her for six to seven months.
I have a very hard time sleeping with her.”
LILLY: She doesn’t like to sleep with me, and she’s a terrible boyfriend.
She has to be out of my life.
She’s like a zombie.
It really upsets me.
The reality is that this is not just my girlfriend.
This is a very significant part of my own life, and if she was going to ruin it for me, I’d have to be very careful.
[on her relationship with Lillian] She’s the only one I know that doesn’t understand the difference between me and her.
I think it’s because she doesn’t want me to be a total jerk.
And she really doesn’t think I’m the kind of person who is going to have a hard time with it.
It is, in a way, a way of protecting her.
She is like a monster.
And when you’re in love, you want to protect yourself from it.
So it’s a little bit of a challenge.
But I think the worst part of it is that she’s going to do anything she can to make me feel like a failure.
She will do everything in her power to make sure that I don’t realize that I’m an asshole, or that I should feel bad about it.
I’m going to keep trying to get her to get it.
And so far, she’s been completely convincing me.
[Lillian and her boyfriend, Justin, have been dating for six-months.]
LILLILY: I’m not trying to be an asshole.
But she’s really controlling and controlling and that is just horrible.
I feel like I’m in a relationship that is going nowhere.
I don, and that’s sad.
You have to understand that it’s not me that she doesn, but she’s taking advantage of it.
[Justin, her boyfriend.]
Just because I’m having an affair doesn’t mean that I have to go on and do it.
What it does mean is that I’ll probably end up sleeping with somebody else.
And that is, I guess, what she’s trying to do.
[On Justin’s relationship with her.]
He has been my boyfriend for six or seven months now, and he’s been really good to me.
But when I found this guy, he was the first person I ever really dated.
And he was a huge disappointment to me, because he just couldn’t get it together.
[The relationship is a “real bummer”] It just seems like we’re on a roll, but he’s always been there for me.
I just wish he’d take it easier.
And there’s a big difference between him and me.
You know, he is a really good guy.
But at the same time, he’s not the type of guy that I would date.
He’s the type who’s like, “Oh, well, if I get a good girl, then that’ll be my life.”
And then, when he does get a girl, I can’t imagine that it will work out.
You’re like, no. So he